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I haven't been here for long months. That has an explanation.

First of all I want to record that the last subject of Biology was approved. I studied hard for it during the summer (December '08 to March '09) Yet, again, the mark was a low one (6). But happily that's another one finished. The exam was somewhere in March. I can't remember exactly...

I have grown a so deep distaste for school in the last year... that writing to this blog hasn't been fun anymore. So I took a vacation. I have grown so, so depressed and hateful of school that not even coming here to record the ending of secondary's Biology subject looked to me as a fun prospect. I said it in the first sentence, that's explainable. I was stuck with the last exam of Chemistry for the last fourteen months!!!!!! That's one year and two months studying a subject that only after one year studying it I could begin to understand, and that only taking on account the terrible effort that signified to me having to go to the school's consultation services. 

Terrible effort because I just don't deserve that. I have some certain negative things to point about what I think of Chemistry C, but I will only post them if I find the exam to be unfair, meaning, to require more than the course gave. And for what I think, as a course to study it at home without having to give up one's own time, as I did with all the other subjects, never depending on the consultation services, I think it gives poorly in that respect.

I had to go more than half a dozen consultation classes of 2 hours each, early in the morning to the crowded district of Flores (yuk!)... I hate being around in this barbarian city... much more for going to attend class. Before that I couldn't grasp a single unit of the guide. As opposed to all the other subjects where I haven't had this problem. At 32, coursing in a homeschooling school for the last three years already, having to spend (yes, SPEND) one year in something for which the course was not meant for is a waste of time. What is that something?  It seems compulsory: to either go to the consultation or be in a limbo of complete lack of understanding for the subject and loss of (precious) time. 

That's why I say it wasn't meant for. The consultation classes should be an option, not an obligation. Legally put, they are, but not factually in the case of Chemistry B. Why if all the other subjects one could study them and understand them with 0% need of consultation at all Chemistry B wasn't? 

To deepen about this subject, for now, that I don't know how the exam will be, can be only a bad mindframe for the upcoming test, due the day after tomorrow.

This was the subject:

Chemistry B

1. Atom’s structure and its unions

1.1 Atomic models through history

          1.2 Periodical table of elements

          1.3 Bohr's atom. Bohr's model

          1.4 Periodical properties

2. Chemical unions

2.1 Models of chemical bonds

2.2 Models of intramolecular chemical bonds

          2.3 Models of intermolecular chemical bonds: Van der Waals and hydrogen bridge

3. Chemistry and diversity of its organic compounds

3.1 Classification of compounds

3.2 Inorganic chemistry compounds: binary ionic compounds (metallic oxides and binary salts) binary covalent compounds (non-metallic oxides and hydracids) ternary compounds (hydroxides, oxyacids, oxysalts) acids and bases.

4. Chemistry and diversity of its organic compounds

4.1 Hydrocarbures (alcanes, isomers, alkenes and alkynes)

4.2 Oxygenated compounds  (alcohols, aldehydes and ketones, carboxylic acids)

4.3 Nitrogenated compounds

4.4 Biomolecules

5. Chemistry and its calculations

5.1 Solutions

5.2 Chemical ecuations and their estequiometric calculations

Registering Season Begins

The subjects of the last Chemistry subject are so, so difficult and twisted, in theory, that I have being studying them for the last seven months and yet I can't come to a thorough understanding of them... Now I am preparing also the last biology subject: Biology C, it is

Unit 1

Cellular Nucleus: DNA , Codification And Transmission Of Genetic Information

Unit 2

Reproduction In multicellular Organisms. Sexual Reproduction And Biologic Heredity

Unit 3

Human Reproduction And Embryo Development

Unit 4

Biologic Evolution

this subject, and Chemistry B are all glossed out in my folder and I am ready to record the last two units of Biology and to begin doing the activities of both.

I am sort of regretting the things that I wrote before about Chemistry B... I have studied many, many hours and seeing it in other places I came to see the good side of truly grasping it... specially for my nutrition and work-out endeavors.

The registering phase begins right now and I think the exams will be around early March.

Pertaining the blue screens of death, stallings and video corruption, out of experience I have finally diagnosed what were the causes. Being my machine a low-end, 8th generation PC, my gaming setup couldn't support the heavy stresses I put she through with games written for a high-end PC... so I have discovered that if I de-frag the disks every night I can keep the machine working but only if I keep the environment cold; otherwise, only automatic hangs, BODs and video garbling.

Here I Am Again After Almost Three Months of Personal Informatic Cataclisms

On mid September I gave the test of Biology B. Ten days ago I went to the school, to a workshop for Chemistry B and I saw that I have passed the exam with a seven. But I do not give a damn about it. I have still to go by a Summer of not less than hour and a half of study per day. One will say "if you are studying, something so easy like secondary, why you are still losing time studying only one and a half hours per day?" The answer is, it is so, so, so difficult for me that I am a spiritual person. And for what the subjects are, they are utterly repulsive.

So I do other things, not like a twerp desperado adolescent and teen student that I have never been. My gaming edge, my bodybuilding and my vocation of writing plus all that they imply are those other things that I rather do instead of studying for more than hour and a half or two hours per day. I will have time to be that kind of twerp of seven plus hours of study per day when going to the uni. Also for being studying something that I like and for being doing it far from the mess in which I am living now; read: ground floor in an industrial, i.e. poor, district of a megalopolis. Well, you may realize I am writing this now from BA City's skidrow shambles.

What happens is that I came to write today as a means of driving away from my mind into this blog all the thoughts I have had for the winter and what is going of spring. I was, for the last two months, having very bad experiences with my Sapphire ATI Radeon gpu. This blog wasn't supposed to be about hardware but I started suffering of a faulty condition of this card that many other persons had, for what I read in the web and the situation screwed up my daily schedule to a degrading point of not being able to have a single moment of rest and well being for the last two months. Let alone writing for the blog or studying in a concentrated way like I like to do. So today at noon I gave up with my illusion of being able to fix the condition of the crashes, hangs and blue screens of death. I took out the card from the agp slot and let my low end setup running the chipset's video card. I came to think that it is ultimately an abuse for the costumer that expects that the card will work if one meets the requirements printed in the box.

I accept that it may be my fault, running my os from a very old and slow hdd, but the occurrence not being mentioned in the requirements is what I think as an abuse. Do they expect that all those who chose Sapphire and Ati Radeon will have the latest SATA hdd? Well... I do not know, I will check out after a hdd upgrade. It is a fiasco that I will have to stay until then not playing to my newer games.

Because of these problems and my lack of progress in study and writing as a consequence, I grew a sudden distaste for any literary endeavor... I feel that the best thing I can do is being patient until being back in India for upgrading the video card and giving my money to a person with a morale that I want to emulate instead of giving it to a barbarian corporation of Occident that gives me a very expensive and bad product. And the same with school, it is unbearable the load of crap that argentine school teaches. If I am having trouble to bear it at thirty-one I do not know how badly it could damage my brain when I was a kid.

The next exams will be around 29th of November and these will be the last tests of 2008. I am preparing Chemistry B. As I said, I went to a workshop. This time it was useful although time consuming... I will look out for more of these. The explanations of the teachers were useful. I have many, many hours studied for this subject... still I am yet taking the gloss of the last two chapters out. It is not easy like Chemistry A. It is very much more difficult but once one knows the secret of the operations or how to state the formulas it becomes kind of easy. I will post soon an update of how the study of this subject is going.

Progress in Chemistry B

Atom’s structure and its unions and two, Chemical unions, are already without its gloss in my folder and I have been studying them for the last three or so weeks. After many hours of studying them I sat down to begin with Chemistry B activities... I noticed that all the data I deglossed is mainly theoretical data and that is why it is so difficult. But in the case of the activities, it was, for instance, for learning to do calculations with the things I learnt hearing the theory... calculations of atomic mass, discovering which element was from other data and such. Very easy once one knows how to do it and remembers the theory. I have studied for many hours the Biology subject, also. Just now, seeing how much I have studied for Chemistry B I realized how much difference can make studying for a subject two hours per day instead of one. I was able to study for it only 25 hours in around 55 days, It is a shame that I am lagging and dragging along something that in the end is so easy to learn like this silly subjects of secondary... I will try to study two hours each day. What I have been studying is only a media of five days a week. But I repeat my lament of before: it is very difficult to submit to something so twerp like it... Thank you God that when I would be doing the secondary I was computing, loving, high or doing whatever other thing instead of it. Because now it is negligible the time I need to dedicate to it and the subjects are very easy because my brain is grown.

I Am An Incurably Wild, Bohemian, Enfant Terrible, Religious Scholar

The exams for Biology B were on 4th of June. Prior to it, when I was going around the fifty hours of study and there were just two days left to study, around the 2nd of June or so, I felt very much puzzled by two conflicting thoughts in my mind. One was of, for the sake of celerity, going to give it with around sixty hours making an effort that I was very reticent to do and maybe passing it, but the other thought, that prevented me to go to give it was that I felt that I was being untrue to myself if I went, gave the exam and thought that I knew the subject in depth. I hoped for this feeling for a long time, but I could not have it; never. As teachers say, I always was in the inertia of The Law of The Less Effort. I always looked for approving an exam just for advancing, not for really truly assimilate and truly know the subject. In The Stand, Stephen King says that the real point of secondary school is teaching you to learn inductively, not the subjects on themselves. For me, I now understand it, I always knew subconsciously that I had to despise secondary school's knowledge because in fact, for a spiritually and intellectually developed person, it is like joke. Where can you apply the knowledge of secondary? Nowhere.

But nevertheless I should learn before that something of it one could really keep and also apply it; picking what one liked and acquiring more knowledge for oneself. But I could not, specially with biology. It is very simple if I can explain why I have not progressed in this subject before. The ugliness of the female teacher that I have most of the years in commerce secondary. I went one year to a technical school, four years to a commerce school, three years to lyceums, one year to an adult's secondary. In the commerce school the biology professor was a downright scag, classmates and, mostly all the time, I... we used to go elsewhere in the biology hours, hence, I had always very low marks. I think her virility of virago conditioned me then and for years to come, in other schools to have a bias of negation with biology. But now I think I am enjoying it... that is why I want to really learn the subject, not cramming it in memory in a temporary, makeshift, memorized bulk of data.

I am reaching the compulsory seventy hours I was giving to each subject until now. I think I will try to manage to study ninety hours for this test of biology, now that I will have the time.

I also record here that I have started the last subject of chemistry, the B. It seems very difficult at first, I begun writing in my folder the first unit without its gloss.

I think I wanted to record more things here, but I am feeling like a twerp... Do you think that I am very fond of making a laughingstock of myself with this twerp tabloid about school? Enough twerpeeness, I want to record here that I finally had received as a present something to study proper swadhyaya. I have already read it but it was a long time ago, the book is The Upanishads. As far as I am concerned, after reading The Divine Life’s edition of them, by the swamis Krishnananda and Sivananda, I think I see them as a very pure nectar that one has to be always eager to reread. I do not know very well what I should expect of them in this case because they are by other person, one Eknath Easwaran. He is an Indian that went to USA in 1959. I wonder how an Indian that went to USA can interpret the Upanishads… I have heard dharma teachers that call USA “A country for gods”… so to speak, this version by Easwaran has thirty pages of notes, maybe there, in his interpretation and explanations in the notes, I will find the clues of how his vision, for going to the US, could be influenced.

results

I have the results of the last two exams. I passed both of them with average marks. Not a higher nine or ten but an eight in each. Since I also know that the exam of Biology B is going to be in late June I started procrastinating my study. I know that sloth is considered a sin, but when I am told that life in the earth originated out of nothing, just because “the environment conditions were propitious and out of nothing life begun with some microscopical organisms that became alive out of inorganic matter” I feel very discouraged and depressed to continue studying it. I could be an exemplary citizen that obeys and does not question society’s “standard” knowledge, but that only when I was a jivan and not blessed with any real faith. I hold a different view of life’s origin on earth, it’s only that. I can’t believe there is room for such a loss of time in education as to teach and learn something like that. My version of the origin of life is that when God takes a glance at His shakti the infinite material worlds are at once created; each with life on it. Being spiritual reality impossible to understand for us that compared to the Gods are like microbes in size, is very difficult if not impossible to understand that this phenomena of life’s creation goes on eternally and the worlds created are infinite. That is where I say that faith is essential for believing it this way and rejecting the other... Anyway I am going to continue studying but only after I can perform my sadhana again. I am by no means staying in a platform of thought with people accepting this kind of “knowledge.”

After Less Than One Week Study Begins Again

I have started with the next two subjects I will study for school. As I said, since Commerce is a subject that I really enjoy, I have let it for the last although I have started to study it the last year. Now I begun studying Biology B and Chemistry B. Nevertheless, I am beginning to like Biology; it has very interesting topics. And Chemistry has already caught, somewhat forcibly, my attention. The units are as follows:

Chemistry B

1. Atom’s structure and its unions

2. Chemical unions

3. Chemistry and diversity of its organic compounds

4. Chemistry and diversity of its organic compounds

5. Chemistry and its calculations

Biology B

1. Characteristics of living beings

2. Human organism as an open system

3. Interactions between living beings and the environment

I do not know yet when is the next examination season, but considering that there are three months between each I conjecture it’s going to be in June or July.